Will This Finally Be the End of the Festering Spawn of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Meet the Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters From Beverly Hills With Special Guest Appearance by the Superhuman Samurai Syber Squad?: Space Rangers Captain Jean-Luc Picard studied the white streaks of light that was the starscape while the ship traveled at warp speed as he stared out of the small viewscreen in his ready room. He enjoyed moments like this, between the adventures drawn to him and his ship as if they were magnets. His next mission was scheduled to be a fairly routine scan of a backwater area of space. Somehow, he knew, it would be anything but. "How right you are, mon capitaine." Picard turned and saw the smiling face of Q. Lost in thought, Picard had missed the soft rush of displaced air that would have betrayed the being's arrival. Picard tugged at his shirt's hem and mentally steeled himself to deal with what was argualbly the most frustrating being he had ever encountered. . . with the possible exception of Lwaxana Troi. "Please," Q huffed, "I'm far more annoying and you know it." Picard wore a long-suffering look. "What do you want, Q?" Q sauntered over to Picard's chair. He sat in it and leaned back, using Picard's desk as a footrest. I'll be polishing the scuffmarks off for weeks, Picard thought. "Oh, we can't have you doing that, Jean-Luc." Q snapped his fingers and the scuffs disappeared. Why do I bother thinking to myself around him? "I don't know. I've often wondered the same thing. "Now, as for the purpose of my visit, I'm feeling generous. I thought I'd save you from this boring mission and put you someplace. . . interesting." Picard cocked his mouth in a sardonic half-smile. "When you say something like that Q, I feel like I've been placed under an ancient Chinese curse. I'm sure this mission will become interesting on its own." Q almost pouted. "Well, if that's the way you feel about it. . . ." Picard turned back to the viewport. "It is." "Very well, then." Q vanished in a pulse of light and air. Picard was worried now, as he studied the stars streaking by. Very worried indeed. Picard decided against mentioning Q's visit to the rest of the crew until...no, unless, he mentally corrected himself...something happened. The surveyance mission went with routine boredom for the majority of the ship. The exception being the minerology section, which had the excitement of discovering two new minerals. Picard read over the reports without reallying seeing them. Annoyed with himself, he stood and walked over to the replicator. "Tea, Earl Grey, hot." The cup materialized, the tea steaming. He closed his eyes and took a sip, waited for the familiar warmth to relax him or maybe wake him from his boredom. The liquid touched his tongu and he spit it out rather undecorously. "What the hell --?" Q's laughter rung out through the empty air. "What's wrong, Jean-Luc? Can't hold your liquor?" Picard sniffed and tugged at the hem of his shirt. "I can handle it just fine, except when I'm expecting tea." He looked around the room. "Show yourself, Q." With the all-too-familiar pulse of light, Q made his appearance. "Explain this, Q," Picard snarled. Q looked thoughtful, wearing the look of a boy deciding whether or not to dip little Susie's pigtails in his inkpot. "Just my way of saying 'Hi, honey. I'm home'? Come now Jean-Luc...aren't you up for a little excitement?" Picard really didn't feel up to the whips and chains today, for all that they might ease his tension. "I wasn't reffering to that excitement," Q smiled. "More along the lines of an adventure. Aren't you bored of this asteroid survey?" He was, and they both knew it. "It's tedious, yes, but it's our mission. It will be over soon enough." Actually, the three weeks would fee lik an eternity, but he wasn't going to let Q use his ship and crew for his sick idea of fun. "Really, Jean-Luc, isn't that a bit harsh? You seem to like my 'sick' idea of fun most nights." "Myself is one thing, but I must protect my ship and crew." Q smiled and vanished. Lt Stone idly wiped the counter of the Juice Bar clean with an old rag while Ritchie did waiter duty. It was six months since the Ranger Scouts returned from Hawaii with new Zords, a new teammate as gender bent as the rest of them, and news that Rita and Zed had escaped. Since then, though, things were fairly quiet. He sighed and looked over his shoulder at the calendar on the wall. A few more days, and the kids would be back in town for winter break. Maybe evil would pick up the ball again then. Rita and Zed finished packing their belongings into the space RV. Finster, Goldar, and Rito were already settled in their seats, all that remained was for the two archvillains to pack away their staves. A small sign reading "Century 37" with a smaller "sold" sign on top hung out in front of their castle. "It took us six months," Zed sighed, "but we got rid of the blasted thing. Evan that bimbo Divatox didn't want it." "Just because of the Power Rangers," Rita snorted. "Can't find any villains with backbone, these days." "Did you notice anything familiar about the couple you sold the castle to?" Goldar asked. "No, why?" "Just wondering." "Such an evil young couple, too," Rita mused. "They should do well here." "Better than we did," Zed muttered. "What was that?" "Nothing, dear." Gasket and Archerina stood for a bit in front of their new home, admiring it. They managed to climb out of the limbo they'd been thrown into after being captured by the Rangers. Their memories of before the limbo were hazy. Only their love for each other and hatred of the Rangers came through clearly. And the need to take over the small, blue orb that hung over the desert moonscape. Finally, the tow headed into their new home and began setting up surveillance. This castle was perfect for thier plans. It was already furnished and the equipment trained on Angel Grove. And the date was set. They'd attack on the twentififth day of the month, when no one, not even the Rangers would expect it. All they needed to do now was iron out the final details. Twas the night afore Christmas, and all through the juice bar, not a creature was stirring, not even their - juices. The Rangers pushed several large tables together in the center ofthe room to talk. As usual, no one paid any attention. The group's newest member, Ranma Saotome, was still amazed at their anonymity despite the fact they took no pains to hide who they were. "Hiding in plain sight" Billy had said. Ranma gave a mental shrug. At least going to schol in the States had gotten him away from his fiancees. So far, he hadn't seen any action in his new position as pilot of the Yellow Lion. The Billys and Trini (whose place he stayed at while they were in New York for college) had told him about their past adventures from both this universe and the one ZeoBilly came from (he was still having trouble dealing with that concept), but so far, he didn't see why they existed. Things would change, he was assured, now that the Rangers were back together in Angel Grove. All in all, though, Ranma decided that being in America was good for him. He met girls who just wanted to date, not marry him; he was doing better with his English; and Trini was teaching him things those nights when the Billys wanted to be alone that would come in handy when he...*if* he married Akane. He still didn't know what he thought about the odd relationship his cousin was in. He didn't know whether the two Billys from alternate universes sleeping together was masturbation or incest. Somehow,though, he suspected he'd never have even come up with the question six months ago. The Rangers were all in various stages of boredom, except Trini, who had a dreamy smile and would sigh now and again. Somewhere from the depths of his squishee, Rocky muttered, "Why don't we go for a walk in the park?" The rest of the Ranger sperked up slightly. "Serpentera's been doing some spectacular areobatics of late," Billy commented. "Not to mention the increased possiblity of a monster attack." "Yeah, I wonder what happened to Rita and Zedd? We know they got out of that snowglobe, but they've been quiet since Hawaii." Kim took a straw that had wandered too close out of his daughter's mouth. "I'm sure we can get dad to babysit." "Just don't anyone say they're on vacation," Tommy teased. "But maybe they really are this time," Zack chimed in. A little off cue, Hugh T. Deville meandered over to the conglomeration of not quite teenagers anymore. "Did I hear someone call for a babysitter?" He picked up little Sabrina from Tommy's lap. "My, she's gotten big. Been ginving her plenty of fresh squeezed OJ?" Kim smiled. "Of course, Daddy. Would you mind sitting her for us? You never know when those monsters are going to attack the park or the abandoned warehouse district." "I'd be happy to, adopted pumpkin. We can blah-blah-blah, or maybe even yackety- shmackety, if I can get your sister to help out." Baby in arms, he headed for the door. Just before going through the archway, he stopped and turned around. "I bet ya'll are wondering what happened to me in the last story? Turns out the author forgot about me, so she's giving me extra responsibility in this one." He looked at the infant cradled in his arms. "Not exactly what I had in mind." He turned around and left. The Rangers were trying various ways to flag down Ritchie for their bill, when Bulk and Skull swaggered in. Since getting their detective's liscences, the two had been even more destructive and disruptive than ever. At least they had given up their search for the Power Rangers' real identities. "You guys need anything investigated?" Bulk asked wearily. "Yeah," Skull said. "Business has been dry lately." "Sorry, guys," said Zack. "The only thing we need found right now is Ritchie so we can pay our bill." Bulk grabbed Ritchie by the collar as he wandered by; the tray of empty glasses he carried fell clattering to the floor. "Give these girls their bill!" he growled. Ritchie hastily pulled out a sheet of paper from a notepad and placed it on the Rangers' table before squirming out of Bulk's grasp. "That'll be fifty dollars, please." "Fifty dollars? For what?" Jason was obviously Not Happy. "Terrorizing Ritchie and breaking Lt. Stone's glasses? We didn't even ask for your so-called services." Skull beamed. "That's us. We give you what you want before you even know you want it." Jason just sighed and shook her head. The tab taken care of, but with Bulk and Skull in their wake, the Rangers made their way to Angel Grove Park, the vast wilderness and cultivated greens the the city surrounded. Looking on a map, the park was only a quater mile in area; however; stories were told of those who tried to walk from one end of the park to the other, only to be lost for days, even weeks at a time, only to come out the same way they went in. Trini whispered, "How are we going to ditch the dodos?" Billy scanned the park. "I don't have any ideas of yet, but..." "...we can be reasonably sure they won't get tired of following us," ZeoBilly finished. "We could always have a monster make-out session in front of them," Jason grinned. "Could be fun, but I don't think it's such a good idea," Tommy answered. A flash of light and a large, red, oblong shaped monster with a white cross in the center of its forehead materializing in their path settled the question. "I am Mageever and I will be your doom, Power Rangers!" "Tell us something we haven't heard before," Tommy snorted, playing with a red rose. "It's morphin' time!" The Mightee Moron Powered Strangers blundered through the park, still searching in vain for an exit from the park, other than the way they came in. Suddenly, Susan looked up and pointed into the distance. "Ooo, pretty colors!" Chris chuckled. "Didn't feel like writing out their entire morphing sequence?" "Nope, I just can't keep track of them anymore. Let's go see what's up." "Sounds like another thinly veiled plot device." Susan stuck her tongue out at her brother. "Oh, be quiet." Bulk and Skull, in the meantime, had fallen into a dead faint. Mageever eyed the morphed Rangers with contempt as it sprouted arms all around its body, each with a different end. "I can take all of you on, morphed or not, puny Rangers!" Kim posed with her arms akimbo. "We are the Mighty Morphin Ranger Scouts! We will right wrongs and triumph over evil! And that means you!" Mageever sneered...or would have, had its face been able to change expression. "Show me what you are made of,then, or I'll cut you open to find out!" With that, he swung out at Jason with a Phillips head arm. Sparks flew from the connection, and she flew through the air, as if hanging from a rope, into a tree. "Owww." With that, the battle began in earnest. Even attacking in a group, Mageever was able to defend itself from the Rangers with its many arms and make a few telling blows of its own. Billy held a bruised rib and breathed, "This thing outnumbers us without even any putty back-up." Tommy nodded. "We need a plan - and quick." From their vantage point on the moon, Gasket and Archerina watched the fight with glee. Their monster was winning! Soon, they'd be rid of those Rangers forever! Archerina considered the unconcious Bulk and Skull. Maybe it was better to toy with the Rangers first, get to them through their friends.... "Mageever. Grab the two boobs and teleport back to base." "Archerina! What are you doing? He has them!" Steam rose from Gasket's collar. "Trust me, my love." Mageever's voice said, "Which boobs? There are so many." "The ones who aren't Rangers." Within a few moments, Mageever teleported into the throne room of the castle, carrying Bulk and Skull over two of his shoulders. He dropped them roughly to the ground, the pair still unconcious. Archerina paced a circle around them, tapping her chin with her pink bow. "We can use these two somehow..." A crash from outside interrupted her chain of thought. The two robots rushed outside, leaving Mageever to guard their prisoners. The Rangers de-morphed as soon as Mageever teleported away. "What was that about? Why'd he grab Bulk and Skull?" Jason asked. This didn't make sense. Things always got worse when the villains didn't make sense. ZeoBilly nodded. "That monster nearly defeated us, even in combination. His leaving was highly illogical." Trini rolled her eyes. Leave it to Billy to state the obvious in really big words. "You don't think they're going to make monsters out of them, do you?" "Doubtful," Billy responded. "Zedd and Rita prefer to make objects monsters, not humans." A blinding flash of white light interrupted their speculations. Three figures, two male and one female, dressed in bellboy outfits? stood in their midst. One of them, a balding, older man looked up to the sky and shouted, "Q!!! I'll get you for this, and your little dog, too!" The woman nudged the older man. "Captain..." she whispered. The man blinked, noticing the Rangers for the first time. He tugged on his shirt hem and coughed. "Um, greetings. I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the starship Enterprise. My crewmates and I appear to be a trifle...lost." The third person, an unusually pale man, spoke in a very soft voice. "Captain, this appears to be twentieth century Earth." "Do you know how many twentieth-century Earth-like planets Captain Kirk found during his five-year mission, Mr. Data?" Picard hissed. "Thirty-seven." "This *is* twentieth century Earth," Billy confirmed. Something about that pale man - Mr. Data? Billy felt something from him, wanted to get to know him better. She walked over to him. "I'm sorry, but are you...an android?" "Why, yes." Data studied the girl. There was something odd about her, but he couldn't quite place his finger on it. Curious, since he turned his emotion chip off. Maybe he was better off leaving it that way. Uh-oh, Trini thought. With Alpha-5 destroyed and Alpha-6 unbearably annoying, she got the idea of where Billy's thoughts were going. And ZeoBilly's were probably following a similar path. Still, it would be fun to have someone with a little endurance to fool around with, again. Picard cleared his throat. Twentieth century Earth - blast Q and his sense of humor! How were they supposed to get back home? Still, Q always had a way out of his mazes. Was the Enterprise here, too? He tapped his com badge. "Picard to Enterprise." "Enterprise here, sir." Picard breathed a sigh of relief, not noticing two of the Rangers with a penchant for blue pumping Mr Data for data and the rest ogling his ship's counselor. Of course, most people tended to do that and wasn't worth noticing, anyway. "Status, Number One?" "We seem to be in orbit around Earth, Captain. Twentieth century, judging by population and pollution levels. There was a 'Q-flash' and here we were. You, Troi, and Data were missing." "Troi and Data are with me, Number One. We've confirmed this is twentieth century Earth. Now, get us up there so we can figure a way out of here." "Aye, sir. Stand by for beam out." "Maybe we can help you," ZeBilly offered. "No, thank you," Picard answered. There was something about the boy that reminded him of Wesley. He might mean well, but would probably create even more of a mess. At the chirrup from Picard's com badge, the three crewmates stood in the at ease position for transport. The world faded into gold and copper sparks, rematerializing into the familiar transport room. Riker smiled a greeting, which quickly turned to an expression of alarm. "Security to Transporter Room 4. Intruder alert." Gasket and Archerina spotted the smoking crater about a hundred meters away. A large sphere, about 20 meters in diameter, nestled in its center. Five very pale, cybernetic humanoids stepped out from it. They walked directly towards the two robots at a fast, yet unhurried pace in a triangular formation. The leader stopped three paces away from Gasket. "We are Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile." Inwardly, Gasket smiled. These creatures would be too easy to control, his influence over machines would extend to them as well, despite their organic components. "Yes, resistance *is* futile." A blank look crossed the group's eyes. Maybe they could make something useful out of the two morons his wife had insisted on capturing. "Come along." The seven headed back to the castle, Gasket outlining his plan to Archerina along the way. Three hours later, the Borg transformation of Bulk and Skull was complete. Their innate stupidity flooded the mindnet of Gasket's captured five, completely dooming their instinctive attempts to break the psychic hold the villain had on them. Now, Gasket had back-up for his monster. But when and where to strike? He wandered out to the balcony, looking out at the blue orb hanging in the sky. He noticed something odd about the view tonight. Not ordinary space junk, far too large for a sattellite or a shuttle. He motioned one of the Borg to him. "I am Bulk of Borg. How may I serve you, master?" Gasket pointed to the object. "What is that?" Bulk's telescopic optic device focused in on the anomaly. "Federation ship designate Enterprise." Gasket smiled. A ship. A king of galaxies should have a ship... Picard looked behind him to see the teenagers from the park crowded along the back wall of the transport room. Perfect, saddled with more bloody children. "Cancel intruder alert," he sighed as Worf burst into the room with a security contingent. "Try transporting them back to the planet." The transport chief tapped buttons in several combinations, to no avail. Riker then tried his hand at it, with no better results. Picard sighed. Q was up to *something* and these kids were involved. "Mr. Worf, assign quarters to our guests. I've the feeling they'll be here for a while." He stepped off the transport platform and headed for the door. "I'll be in my Ready Room." Worf did a quick headcount. "Ten rooms?" The Rangers gathered in a group around the Klingon. "You won't need that many," Tommy said. "Kim and I will share. Then there's Adam and Ayesha, Jason and Adam, Trini, Billy, and Billy, and Ranma gets a room to himself. I think that's everyone. So, you only need five rooms." Worf growled. Playing cruise director was not in his job description. "Five rooms, then." He scowled. "Stay here. I will return in ten minutes with your assignments." "Why are we hitching a ride in Serpentera?" Rob asked. Susan smiled. "So we can get aboard the starship." "Why not use the SuperUltraMegaWeirdoZord? Or better yet, I could make a transporter!" "Oh, don't confuse me with logic. Oh, I know! Serpentera can *eat* the starship. Yeah, that's the ticket." "I didn't think Serpentera was that big." "Oh, hush and help me with this. You're going to pilot her, you know." Rob sighed. Picard looked out at his homeworld, so small from orbit, but breathtakingly beautiful, if one ignored the various bits of space junk whizzing past. "Yes, it is lovely, isn't it?" a too familiar voice said from behind him. He turned, and sure enough, Q was sitting on his desk, looking like the cat that ate the canary. "All right, Q. How do we get out of this?" Q chuckled. "You'll find out in good time, Jean-Luc. And yes, those children do fit into the puzzle." He snapped his fingers and Picard wore nothing but a pair of leather trousers, bound by his wrists to a horizontal bar above his head. "But I came here for more of a...diversion." He traced the lines of Picard's body with a finger. Picard shuddered, enjoying it depite himself. "Q...you cannot...throw me into a situation...and then expect...this..." Putting his face close to Picard's, Q smiled. "And why not, Jean-Luc? You're enjoying this, and we both know it. And you're enjoying the bondage, too." "Damn you..." He closed his eyes and he was sitting at his desk. The door chirped. He made sure he was presentable by tugging his shirt hem. "Come." Deanna Troi slinked into the room. "Captain, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about since we were on the planet." "Yes?" "That group of teens they're hiding something." "Any idea what? Something to do with the reason they're here?" Troi shook her head. "I don't know, but I don't think so. It's something that's constantly in their minds. But they don't feel threatening." Picard nodded. "Thank you, Counselor. Let me know if you find out anything further." Billy smiled across the table at Data. "So, ah, how detailed are you? I've never seen an android as advanced as you before." Data shifted somewhat uncomfortably. He promised himself he was going to leave his emotion chip off around this girl, but he couldn't help himself. Not since Jenna had a human female showed an interest in him, and this time, he wanted to feel the emotions of a relationship, not just go through its motions. And no watching holo- soap operas. Still, this question reminded him of his first...Tasha Yar. He smiled and gave the same answer. "I am fully functional." She smiled in response. "Care to demonstrate?" Data was more than bit surprised. For someone who was very quiet, she was incredibly...forward. He really wasn't sure if he wanted to go quite that far yet. He wanted to savor the experience. Then again, she wasn't a part of the crew; no telling how long she'd be here. He finally smiled and held out his hand. "I'll even promise to be gentle." Gasket put the finishing touches on the device he held in his hand. It was simple enough, a small box that would interface with Mageever's circuits and give it the ability to change size. Specifically, to a *large* size, something that could take on the starship. Somehow, though, he had to capture it without damaging it overmuch, even though the Borg assured him they would repair any damage, no matter how extensive, and assimilate the crew, to boot. More slaves for his new empire he liked that idea. What if he sent the Borg with Mageever? Use the monster as a diversion, while the Borg boarded and invaded from the inside? Could work. Yes...attack from both sides, his army growing at every turn. Stll, their acquired stupidity worried him. He had to make sure to have a back up plan in the event of catastrophe. The Strangers found the task of capturing and taking over Sepentera to be easier said than done. First, they had to reach her. The most difficult part of their task, considering she spent all her time flying in ecstasy with the Red Dragon Zord trapped. Still, she needed to refuel often, but where? They found her in the dead of night, drinking gas trucks parked at the local Bates' Motel, a popular stop for truckers. While she was distracted, the Strangers climbed up her foot and inside. Serpentera paused in her nightly feeding. Something was wrong. Someone was trying to override her...trying to take over this body. She took off into the air, did complex aerobatics. Maybe that would shake whoever it was up. She shook her head. She was getting a splitting headache. Whoever they were, they weren't giving up. Neither would she... Susan pulled the Windows95 cd-rom out of the slot, its task completed. She turned to the Blue Stranger. "Okay, try her now." Serpentera slid through the night sky, and beyond, searching for a starship. Mageever stood on the palace grounds, or one foot did. He flexed an arm and looked aound him. Interesting, the perspective giant size gave. One wrong step, and he could crush his king. Not that the thought would have ever entered his circuits, Gasket had seen to that during his creation. Right now he waited for his passengers to board. They were getting their final instructions from their king. The timing had to be perfect, to get them inside without the crew of the starship noticing. He felt the hatch on his foot slide up. Good, the attack would begin soon. In his mind he heard the signal: a very loud "Now!". He leapt into the sky, and sped towards his target. A siren's wail interrupted Data and Billy in their demonstration of Data's prowess. Data cursed, withdrawing from Billy, who looked very confused. "Red alert. I should be on the bridge." Billy began gathering her clothing. Well, it had been fun while it lasted. "Should I go, too? If it's an attack, my friends and I may be able to help." Data's curiosity overrode his urgency to get to the bridge. He paused in putting his uniform back on. "Intriguing. How?" "I...can't really say too much, but we protect the Earth from attempts to take it over by aliens." Data finished with his uniform. "Stay here, but I shall inform the captain of your offer," he said as he walked out the door. Billy followed out the door soon after, to the corridor where her friends were assigned their quarters. The Rangers were gathered in Tommy's room, and Billy gave what she knew from Data (not much) to the others. Adam hit one hand with his fist. "We need to be doing something!" Looking out the window, Kim called to the rest. "You guys! Look, it's that monster we fought in the park today. And it's gotten *big*." The rest of the group rushed over to the window, following Kim's line of sight. "Can we summon Voltron?" Adam asked. "We should," ZeoBilly nodded. "I patched their commincations network with our morphing grid. But how do we get out there?" Trini snapped her fingers. "Easy. Teleport to the zords once they're out there!" Tommy nodded. "Right. Let's do it, Rangers!" Picard sized up the situation on-screen. A giant moster that looked something like a Swiss Army knife was attacking from starboard while a giant robotic dragon tried to swallow the ship whole from the port. Some daycycles it just didn't pay to get out of bed. "Lock phasers onto the dragon and photon torpedoes on the other thing. Fire at will." Streaks of light lashed out towards Serpentera, igniting sparks on her nose, but not doing much in the way of damage. The torpedoes had little different effect on Mageever. "Captain! Look!" Riker called out. On the viewscreen, coming from the front, were five robotic lions. When it rained, it poured, Picard thought. The lions readied their attack, splitting up to take on both opponents (Susan, are you still on that damn computer? Come back to bed.) Ummmm...right...sorry. Where was I? Oh, yes. The universe exploded. Everybody died. [Author's Note: Well, this has, all in all, been a fun series to write, even if it did mean watching countless hours of Power Rangers and dealing with the characters telling me what they were up to at 3 am. However, of late, Power Rangers the TV show has gotten too bad to even make fun of, anymore. I also seem to be running out of my once-copious free time. There's this guy who keeps coming over to my apartment and well...I don't need the stories to deal with my sexual frustrations, either. I used to think sex was something that was all right, but terribly overrated. Then I found someone who was good at it. I like sex. I like sex a lot. I think I'll go and have some more right now. Thanks for reading. ]