THE FESTERING SPAWN OF THE MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS MEET THE TATTOOED TEENAGE ALIEN FIGHTERS FROM BEVERLY HILLS WITH SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE BY THE SUPERHUMAN SAMURAI SYBER SQUAD: A CHANGE OF PACE Tommy's arms were tied to a horizontal bar suspended from the ceiling of his grandfather's cabin. His legs were tied to a similar bar so his body made an X. He wore leather cuffs on his ankles and wrists to prevent chafing and marking. "More! Give me more!!" He screamed in an odd mixture of agony and pleasure as Kimberly brought the pink whip down on his back again and again. She had gotten better at this in the past month; she was taking lessons from Jason. "Don't you dare demand from me," she screeched in her best Rita Repulsa imitation. "Remember who your mistress is!" Kim didn't mind helping Tommy out with this strange idea of foreplay (in fact, it was kind of fun), but talking like Rita left her hoarse for hours. Facing Tommy, Saba ran his claws down Tommy's torso, tracing his well- defined musculature. Saba was careful, as Kimberly was, not to break the skin. Red welts rose along the path of his claws. Tommy shuddered in ecstasy. Saba and Kimberly switched positions to better cut Tommy down before having their wicked ways with him. Saba started to cut through the rope attached to the cuff on Tommy's left hand; Kim did the same on the right. Just then, a familiar but forgotten chime sounded from the rumpled pile of clothing in the corner of the room. Kimberly leaned against Tommy and whispered in his ear, "Let's just ignore it; it's a mass hallucination. Why would Zordon summon us, anyway? We've been canceled." Tommy sighed. "No, we better not. Remember the last time we ignored the signal? I think this would be a whole lot more embarrassing than that was." "All right. I'll get your communicator." Both males ogled her as she bent over the pile of clothing. She returned with the communicator and held it so Tommy could talk into it. "I read you, Zordon. What's up? I thought we were canceled." "You were, but an emergency has risen. Lord Zed is attempting to take control of the Earth by starting with San Francisco. Report to the Command Center at once. "Ahhh...You'll have to give Kim and me a few minutes. I'm, uh, in the middle of something, kind of tied up, at the moment. Kim's been helping." "Very well. I shall contact the others." Kimberly and Saba set about the business of getting Tommy down and getting the circulation back in his limbs. As the two humans got dressed, Saba returned to his dormant state. Soon, the basement was empty as they left in a flash of pink and white lights. Across the lake, two figures witnessed the lights. Bulk grabbed Skull's collar. "Did you see that? The Power Rangers are back!" Just outside the cabin, Billy fiddled with a rectangular shaped, blue device. As he gathered a small pile of photos from where they lay on the ground, his communicator issued its familiar chirp. He answered the call automatically, his mind dealing with what to do with the photos he had taken. Should he sell them to Playboy, Penthouse, or the National Enquirer? A smile briefly played across his features before he teleported. He would definitely have to show these to Trini and Alpha. To play it safe, he set his time transponder device to give him twenty minutes before the call came. He wanted a chance for some fun before getting down to work. In the Command Center, only Alpha-5 and Billy were there to greet Tommy and Kimberly. Both couples looked rather worse for wear and extremely annoyed (both of which were good tricks for Alpha). Zordon's enormous visage floated above them. "Greetings, Rangers. I am sad to say that your three fellows have decided to retire." "What?" Tommy strode as close as he dared to the console. "Can they do that? How are we going to fight Zed with only half the team?" "Relax, Rangers." Tommy immediately backed away; he had gotten too close and now his head was ringing. "I have replacements for you. They are your friends, Rocky, Adam, and Ayesha." As Zordon spoke, the three filed out from behind the main console. The original Rangers and the replacement Rangers greeted each other with great joy, as if the replacements had always been part of the team. Disappointed, the former Black, Red, and Yellow Rangers walked down the rocky slope from which the Command Center emerged. The three had been watching from a small hole in one of the walls. As they walked, they discussed their plans for the future. "Maybe we should start our own superhero team. We still have our morphers and communicators," Jason suggested. "Forget it," Trini spat out venomously. "I'm going to Japan, where the rest of my family is." She ripped off her communicator and threw it against the rocks. "Actually, I think I'll go to China instead. They have a marvelous training ground there." She disappeared in a streak of yellow light. Jason and Zack looked at one another and shrugged. They continued down the slope together, speculating on why Zordon fired them. "Behold the viewing globe, Rangers." Yes, Zordon thought, these new Rangers will do nicely. They fill out the spandex so much better than the others, who were getting a bit long in the tooth. "Zed's new plan is to establish himself as a religious figure and get humans to fight for him with his putties and monsters. Zed and Rita are currently in San Fransisco trying to convert this crowd." Sure enough, Zed and Rita were standing on one of Serpentera's claws, showing their power by turning innocuous items into monsters and back. The crowd cheered and yelled,"Hallelujah!" where appropriate. Tommy struck a dramatic pose, like the Riker Academy for Creative Posturing taught him to, and stepped once in Zordon's direction. "He's not getting away with holy war on this planet! It's morphin time!" Ahhh, Zed thought, the crowd is reacting just as I had anticipated. Taking over this puny world will be easier than I ever dreamed possible. Soon those Power Brats will be a small pocket of resistance fit only to be ignored. Hah-ha-ha-ha-haahh!! It was all he could do to keep from laughing out loud during his speech on how disappointed he was with the state of the world. Why hadn't he thought of this sooner? Those two mice would have to be paid handsomely. What a maroon! Well, I guess he's more red, but still... The crowd was playing him like a violin! They give him what he wants to hear, promise to join his cult, and maybe five actually do. From her vantage point at the top of an ancient sycamore, the figure alighted there, gray- purple wings positioned to block out glare from the sun, watching the scene with great mirth. He had better tricks than most wanna-be messiahs, but his essence was just the same. Another supervillain trying to take over the world through a holy war. Why did they always start with San Fransisco? Then again, how could she wonder when she herself was the idol of a cult? Not that it was her idea, mind you. In fact, she hated it. She was going to have to leave soon, before one of her followers saw her there and decided the sycamore was sacred to her. Spirits only knew what they'd try to do to honor her with it. A bizarre orgy came to mind. The AmerIndian was just about to take off, when six ribbons of light streaked their way into the gathering. Oho, she thought as the lights coalesced into spandex-clad figures, this will be interesting. Half the new arrivals faced the crowd; the others kept a wary eye on Zed and his wife. "Whatever this man has told you about himself is a lie! He only wants to take control of Earth!" From the exaggerated bobbing of his head, Thunderbird guessed the white one was speaking. She sighed; more out- of-towners. Oh, well, at least this was better than the show Doctor Destroyer put on. "Good people, I mean to do no such thing. If I lie, may the heavens smite me." Thunderbird nearly fell out of her tree. That was her cue. Grinning impishly, she reached out to the air around her and spoke to it. A bolt of lightning flashed from the sky, accompanied by a roll of thunder that cracked all the glass in the vicinity. A few people in the crowd started scanning the treetops, searching for her. Ooops. She could usually pick her followers out of a crowd; they liked to wear wings like hers on their clothes. Apparently, these wanted to be inconspicuous. The bolt was mostly sound and fury, only enough electricity to singe the victim around the edges. It was her trademark, but she was still unknown enough to get away with something like that. The locals might recognize her handiwork, but the strangers would have no clue. Lord Zed was frozen in the posture he had taken while beseeching the heavens' testimony to his veracity. Playing along with the game, the crowd became restless, booing and hissing. Somehow sensing the crowds' displeasure, Zed and his wife sank down into the dragon's massive foot. Before he disappeared completely, he changed one last object, a neglected backpack. This monster, unlike the others, was accompanied by eight human-like gray creatures. The mundanes, terrified, scattered like ants. The giant dragon-ship rose into the sky, headed for the moon. The Backpachyderm (it looked like a backpack with arms, legs, and an elephantine trunk) used his trunk to pull a giant pen out of his mouth. A thin beam of light, eighteen inches long, issued from its tip. "The pen is mightier than the sword, Rangers! Putties, attack!" The putties rushed forward and formed a circle around the Power Rangers. The Rangers responded with various unnecessary gymnastics before finally trying to hit their opponent's "Z" spots. The putties would then explode from the over-stimulation. They died happy. While the Rangers and putties distracted each other, Thunderbird took the opportunity to swoop down on the Backpachyderm. She caught him with the edge of a wing as she flew past. Quickly, she spun in midair, and kicked him before he could get his bearings. He swiped her with the pen laser, which her forcefield blocked. He caught her ankle with his trunk. She clapped his head region with her wings and squeezed. Thunderbird was just about to knock the Backpachyderm unconscious with a final kick, when the Rangers finished with the putties. All but the White Ranger manifested their weapons and brought them together to form a single unit. Realizing what was about to happen, Thunderbird released her captive and flew for cover. The Backpachyderm exploded, then returned to its natural backpack state. In the aftermath, Thunderbird alighted in front of the Power Rangers, who were in their victory pose. She stood there, gold eyes glittering and feathers ruffled with mild annoyance (she prided herself on not getting mad). Rocky reacted to her first. "Hi, we're the Power Rangers, from Angel Grove. Despite how our ancestors wronged yours, will you see it in your heart to give us the pleasure of your name?" The two Rangers closest to him, Ayesha and Tommy, stepped a few feet from him to avoid his knee. It was jerking terribly. Thunderbird raised an eyebrow and her mouth twitched. She spoke very calmly, though her feathers gave her true feelings away. "Go away. Now." She, Ayesha, and Tommy had to jump to avoid getting kicked by Rocky's knee; it was jerking so hard he could barely keep his balance. The other Rangers started making bets on whether he would fall over. Eyes burning, Thunderbird's temper finally snapped. "How could you do that?! You killed a sentient being. I had the situation under control. I don't know who you are, but you play by my rules on my turf and other appropriate cliches!" She flicked her wings, and a ball of thunder knocked the Rangers over like ten-pins. She flew back into the trees. The Power Rangers exchanged what glances they could through their helmets. "I wonder what that was all about?" Tommy thought aloud; the others shrugged. "We'd better be getting back. We can tell Zordon we won't have to worry about Zed using this tactic again." The Rangers teleported in flashes of light. Starting from the trees, Thunderbird followed the lights as they sped through the sky. The lights led her south over Los Angeles and Beverly Hills to a lone outcropping of rock with an observatory at its peak. The lights continued through the roof; she was forced to land atop it. She found a slit in the dome she could use to spy. Inside the Command Center, Tommy described the strange events that transpired in San Fransisco. "And then she just blew up at us. It wasn't just Rocky's stupid speech, either." Kimberly spoke up. "I think she was upset over us destroying Zed's monster." The conversation drifted around Billy; he was distracted by his missing third. Why did Trini retire without telling him? And why did she go to China? And, most importantly, just how did he know she went to China? Through his funk, Billy noticed scenes were playing across the viewing globe. The more he looked, the more the scenery looked familiar. "Zordon? On the viewing globe, is that CNN?" The globe abruptly went static. "Billy," Zordon boomed. "I want you to take the day off to get your prescription checked." Inwardly, Zordon breathed a sigh of relief. That had been close. "You may go, Rangers. I will notify you of further developments." The Rangers disappeared in their ribbons of light. "Alpha, I want you. I mean I want you to wash and wax the Zords, we may need to bring them out again." Alpha obediently stepped into the garage. The viewing globe switched to the Ecstasy channel where a woman had her way with a wiener dog. Outside, Thunderbird searched for a way in. She didn't have enough time to get out of the way of the teleporting Rangers; the yellow one went through her. Thunderbird shuddered; she felt vaguely dirty. She just wasn't that kind of a girl. She finally found the door, and walked in. No alarms went off, nothing. She shrugged; they were bigger morons than she thought. A huge face floated above a complex computer console. She guessed their computer to be on idle and boldly walked up to it. Since the best way to learn is by doing, she immediately started pressing buttons; the face looked down at her. "You! Who are you? Don't touch those buttons; they control the morphing grid!" Zordon gave the best enraged, you-are-worse-than-dead look he could, failing miserably. Thunderbird raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah? What are you going to do about it? You're just a big, floating face!" She pushed more buttons randomly. The face now sported a boulder hat and a Hitler-like mustache. "You're the girl the Rangers ran into, aren't you? Well, this is another fine mess they've gotten me into!" Thunderbird's ears pricked; she could swear she heard the voice from two different sources. She tried to see what was beyond the computer. Finding only blackness, she decided to have a closer look. As she neared the back of the room, she was able to make out the faint outline of a door. "Where do you think you're going?" the face thundered. Maybe the volume control was beyond the door, and that's why he didn't want her back there. Her fingers found the knob and turned it. Thunderbird blinked momentarily as light flooded her eyes. A large man sat near a counter speaking into a microphone in front of a computer. "Pay no attention to the man behind the juice counter!" Ernie/Zordon boomed. Beyond where the man was sitting, Thunderbird saw a sign that read,"Angel Grove Gym, Youth Center, and Juice Bar". Thunderbird arched an eyebrow in the direction of the man behind the juice counter. "So, like, what is going on here?" Ernie sighed and turned off the microphone. "This old building used to be a speakeasy during Prohibition. I was searching to make sure I found all the secret rooms. I didn't want any unsavory types to find them before I did. "Anyways, I found that corridor you just came out of, and there was this little robot guy telling me he was guarding the galaxy or something. I thought he was kind of cute, so I said I'd help. "We made up a little history and a character named Zordon. I figured it would be a good way to get to know some people with great bods. I mean, I get to look at them all day, but none of them are interested in me. How was I supposed to know there really were some nutty people out to take over the world and that stupid computer actually worked?" "Wait a minute. You started the Power Rangers so you could get off on some young bods without them knowing? You're sick." "Yeah, you're probably right. I've felt like getting it off my chest for a while, now. I'm surprised it's worked so well; they're great looking, but not too terribly bright." "I guess that's why you didn't call for that little robot guy." "Yeah, I could have, couldn't I?" Thunberbird put a hand to her head. "I have to get out of this town. I can feel my IQ dropping." Rita and Zed spent most of Saturday after temple talking with their rabbi, Finster. They were having a heated argument over procreation. Zed wanted to, Rita didn't. Finster suggested they practice working together by trying (yet again) to take over the world by defeating the Power Rangers. Zed took Rita's hand in his. "Our first act together today shall be to fire those rat advisors we hired last month." "We're mice," a small voice with a slight Brooklyn accent said. "If you had listened all the way through, it would have worked." She absent- mindedly filed her nails. "Do you know who the Grateful Dead are?" "Uuuh,"Goldar commented. "Oh, I know, Bobbie! Snart! All the people who have passed on who led good lives." The other mouse volunteered. "Y'know, Dinkie, maybe you should chat some with Goldar." Bobbie raised an eyebrow. Dinkie clapped her paws together. "Oh, goodie gumdrops!" She ran over to Goldar, latched onto a wing and started climbing up. "Where was I? Oh, yeah. The Grateful Dead is a human musical group. Other humans give up their lives to follow them and listen to their concerts. "This is the plan: Create some musically talented monsters and set them up as a band. Name it `Alien Conquerors' or some such. Make sure they have mind control, too. Have them tour the country, using the music to mesmerize the audiences into following them. You may even get the Power Rangers to attend. "The keys to this plan are patience and subtlety, not exactly your strong suits, I know. Have it take at least a couple of months. I have connections in the recording industry, but they can only work so fast." A month later, at the mall, Kim and Ayesha shared their day off and discussed Kimberly's favorite topic, makeup. "Oh, no! They've discontinued my favorite shade of lipstick! How could they get rid of `Hot Rod Pink' for `Copper Penny Lane'?" She frantically searched through the tubes for a substitute. She pulled one out. "Look at this!" she strained to keep her volume under control. "The closest they have is `Peachy Keen'! I can't go around with that on my face." "Calm down, Kim. You're pretty just as you are." Ayesha watched her friend with more than friendly interest as Kimberly continued to rummage through the tubes. "You can do without the makeup." Kimberly gave Ayesha a sisterly hug; Ayesha silently wished for the day when it could be more, they could be more. "Thanks for the moral support, Ayesha." The twin chimes of their communicators interrupted whatever Kim was about to say. The two made their way to the ladies' bathroom. The sign above it read,"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here." The girls held their breath as they walked through the door. The scampering of little feet heralded their entrance; the previously blackened room became flooded with strong fluorescent light. Kimberly spoke into her communicator with a tight voice, holding back her rising gorge. "We're on our way, Zordon." After the yellow and pink ribbons of light had vanished, darkness, with the skittering of little feet, once again engulfed the little room. Kimberly was the last to arrive in the Command Center. The others were aghast to see her walk in through the door, wiping her mouth. "Sorry, guys. I had a messy bodily function to take care of." The others turned a trifle green. "Gee, thanks for sharing, Kim." Adam looked pained. "Never mind, Rangers. There are more important matters that require your attention," Zordon thundered at them. "Observe the viewing globe." A monster closely resembling a rubber alien suit from a 50's B-movie terrorized a small troop of joggers in Angel Grove Park. "This is not one of Zed's or Rita's creations; therefore, I cannot give you any advice on how to defeat it. You will be going in blind." Billy couldn't bring himself to pay attention to Zordon; he was still preoccupied with Trini's absence. Somehow, despite Zordon's booming, he could pick out a tiny voice with a peculiar, digitized quality pleading for help. He traced the source to a neglected diskette still in the drive. So engrossed in this new phenomenon was he that he almost missed Tommy's "It's morphin' time!" announcement. Rita watched the ravaging of Angel Grove Park with interest. At first, she wondered if Zed was hatching a scheme without her permission again, but the monster didn't look quite right; it was too realistic. And where had she seen that fighting style before? Zed was no help. He was enjoying himself with Goldar and that ferschlunginer throne. Slowly the realization dawned, clearing the fog of her memory. That was one of the former Rangers! Maybe he would be willing to serve (or at least, service) her and Zed. A wave of dizziness hit Zack as he walked toward Gordon's house. It took him months just to work up the courage to ask him out and guessed he was feeling a little light-headed. The power coin he still wore as a belt buckle glowed softly through his black T-shirt, flickered, then died, unnoticed. He lifted the heavy door knocker and let it fall. A smartly dressed butler answered. "Yes?" A few moments passed before Zack could find his voice. When he did, it was embarrassingly high. "I'd like to see Gordon, please." "Yes, of course. Wait here in the foyer." The butler waved him inside. "Who may I say is calling? Miss-?" The guy didn't have to be insulting. "Zack White," he squeaked. Jason and Lori were enjoying the evening in Lori's room while her parents were away. A flash of light momentarily blinded Jason; because he was under the covers, all Lori saw was a glow. "Jason? What happened? Are you okay?" He blinked at the lights still blossoming in his eyes. He poked his head out of the covers, the power coin he wore as a necklace warm against his bare chest. "I think so." Lori screamed. The Power Rangers alighted in Angel Grove Park fifty feet away from the monster, immediately entering their Ready for Combat Action pose (registered trademark. Patents pending). They had to struggle to keep their balance. The monster stared, rubber eyes locked in fascination (or maybe it was disgust). The monster blinked after a long moment, remembering what it was here to do. It lobbed a round, yellow object that changed its shape as it flew through the air, aimed at Adam. At that moment, Rita materialized in the object's path. Her nipple cones pierced the thing in its flight. The water inside continued on its way, soaking the witch. In an eyeblink, Rita was replaced by a small, gray cat with a white chest panel and boots. A large man in Chinese standard issue clothes stood next to the cat. "Oh, too bad. You get hit with water from `Spring of Drowned Cat' at Jusenkyo, martial art training ground with over hundred spring. Tragic legend, very tragic, of cat who drown there eighteen hundred year ago. Now whoever fall into spring take on body of cat." "But she was just hit by a water balloon. She didn't fall in." Tommy's voice was an octave too high and his helmet bobbed half a foot lower than it should. By way of response, the monster lobbed another yellow water balloon at Adam. This one landed on target; miraculously, no one was affected by the splash. Adam immediately became a rather silly looking moose. "Oooh, you hit with water from Bull Winkichuan, `Spring of Drowned Silly Looking Moose'. Tragic legend, very tragic of stupid moose who drown there two thousand year ago. Now whoever fall into spring take on body of silly moose. "You see, sirs and madams, it not matter if you fall into spring or no. All is needed is touch water." The Rangers looked at each other and got the shock of their lives. Kimberly and Ayesha were each eight inches too tall and too bulky. Billy and Tommy were each eight inches too short and too slender. Rocky, though, was now about two and a half feet high and a flying squirrel. During the Rangers' distraction, the rubber monster attacked them. Unaccustomed to their bodies' new sizes and shapes, they immediately fell flat on their backs when they tried to defend themselves. Strangely, the beast stopped and waited for the Rangers to collect themselves. Goldar chose this point in our story to teleport into the Park. He called repeatedly for Rita, occasionally muttering,"I hate my job. I hate my life. Why am I doing this?" Rita, as the gray kitten, followed behind him, caterwauling at his feet. Finally (she just had to do it), she broke into song. I'm not just a cat, you buffoon I'm your mistress I'm in distress Take me back to my castle on the moon The song caused several reactions. All mundanes within earshot immediately bolted for the hills. The Rangers and the monster stopped fighting to cover their ears. Rita thought, Great, I can only communicate through bad songs. Goldar, thinking this pitiful stray would make a great monster for Zed, picked up the cat and teleported back to the moon. His original mission fell out of his short memory. The monster spoke for the first time. "Yuck. I bet that doesn't make the charts." Billy, whose mind wasn't quite on the fight, responded to the voice the only way he could. He ran up to the monster and caressed it. His friends recoiled as he called out its name. "Trini!" Slowly the monster removed first its hands, then its head. Finally, Trini stood in front of them, wearing a pale yellow silk kimono with embroidered butterflies tied with a gold obi. "That's right, Power Rangers. It's time to settle the score. "Obi strike!" The sash tying Trini's kimono closed snaked out and wrapped its golden coils around Tommy. "You're shorter than I remember." Kimberly grabbed Trini's arm. "What are you talking about? We never had any fights when you were on the team." Trini snatched her arm away. "Zordon told us you wanted us fired because we were bad for the team. We saw how you welcomed our replacements. You hypocrites! Especially you, Billy, pretending to miss me! "Blinding blow of the geisha!" Trini's kimono landed squarely on Billy's head. In a breath, she was sitting on his shoulders, using the sleeves to tie the kimono secure. She was now wearing a white Chinese-style pantsuit decorated with yellow roses. Tommy wriggled in his bonds, looking very much like a golden caterpillar. Ayesha, realizing talk was getting them nowhere, attacked with a flying kick. Trini countered with a flight of hairpin darts, one of which snapped the cable holding Ayesha aloft. She fell short of her target and landed painfully, still in the kick position. Rocky flew at Trini's face, hoping to blind her. She whipped him away with a snap of her shirt. With another snap, she entangled him much like she had Billy. Adam charged, head lowered, hoping to catch her on his blunt antlers. She leaped deftly aside, wrapping his antlers with her pants. Now wearing only an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polka dot bikini (that she wore for the first time that day), she jumped onto Adam's back and lobbed several small stones at Kimberly, using her bra as a double-barreled sling. The stones hit Kim in the breadbasket, knocking the wind out of her. She fell to her knees, gasping for air. Trini then wrapped the bra around Adam's head, using the cups as eye patches. She then aimed him (he was still charging) towards a tree and leapt away with a neat somersault. Adam hit the tree antlers first, the shock traveled through his body, stunning him. Billy finally disentangled himself from Trini's kimono. "Trini, what are you talking about? Zordon told us you retired." Trini landed a few feet from Billy. "Huh? Are you saying Zordon lied to us? Take off your helmet, look me in the eye, and tell me that again." Trini glowered at him, managing to look threatening even while wearing only a bikini bottom. Billy reached to the sides of his helmet and undid the latches. He slowly lifted off the helmet with the unnecessary drama of Something Important About To Happen. As he did so, the Rangers who were not otherwise occupied drew in a collective gasp appropriate to the moment. His hair was still the same sandy color but now it fell in loose curls around his shoulders. His features were more refined, but remained essentially what they had been. Newly delicate brows knit in confusion. "What are you all staring at?" Kimberly had started disentangling Tommy from Trini's obi. "Have you been experimenting on yourself again, Billy? Or," she looked in Rocky's direction,"did you include all of us this time?" She laid a hand on Tommy's chest and felt something familiar that should not have been there. "You did, didn't you?" Billy's jaw tried its best to separate itself from his (well, okay, her) skull and reattach itself to her feet. "What-? Me-? I-I-," she put a hand to her chest, "Ay-yi-yi! I had nothing to with this!" Rocky managed to bite his way through Trini's shirt. "At least you guys are still human. I'm a squirrel!" His voice was not unlike an old cartoon character's, but no one present could quite figure who, except it resembled Mickey Mouse's. Adam lowed to draw attention to himself. "That's right," Tommy finally spoke up,"what about Adam?" He (sorry, reflex...she) unwrapped the last of the obi from her feet. Trini glanced in Adam's direction. "Oh, that's simple. Warm water will turn him back." She lobbed another water balloon at him. "Don't dodge; it's just warm tap water." The balloon burst on one of his antlers, showering him. In a flash, Adam was back in human form, sans clothing. It was painfully obvious no one escaped the strange, gender bending curse placed on the Power Rangers. Meanwhile, Goldar presented his prize to Lord Zed. Unfortunately, he did so when his master was busy with his throne, and Zed hated being disturbed, not that the throne had anything to do with his personality problems. When Zed was finally through, it was about the same time that Adam returned to human form. "So, Goldar, you dare return without my lovely wife? What have you got to say for yourself?" Zed glowed a bright red, a step higher than the rosy afterglow he had been wearing. Goldar held Rita by the nape of her neck. "But, my lord, I brought you this singing cat. She would make a great addition to our band." He poked the cat with his sword. "Sing, cat." Rita hissed and clawed Goldar's hand. Grimacing with shock and pain, he dropped her. She immediately ran between his legs before he could recover enough to grab her. Goldar spun around and ordered his lackeys to give chase. Rita raced through her castle with Squat and Baboo bumbling behind. When she reached the kitchen, she leaped onto a counter, and before she knew it, ran into a pot of boiling water. The pot flew into the air, spilling its contents over the room. However, most of the water landed on Rita's back; she yowled with pain. When Squat and Baboo arrived (they actually knew to follow the scream), they found their mistress on all fours, naked, and cursing in Japanese. "Goldar!" The familiar screech of Rita Repulsa grated like fingernails down a chalkboard. The grating moved from the base of his spine to his skull, sending shooting pains into his teeth. Rita stepped out of the shadowed hall she'd escaped to minutes before,carrying two steel buckets. "Don't you dare ever do that to me again!" She was so mad her lips were out of sync with her words. "Rita, my darling, what has he done to you? And where are your clothes? The two of you weren't having fun without me again, were you?" Red bolts of energy travelled up his staff. (No, not that one!) "Master, I have no idea what she's talking about." "I'm talking about this!" Rita emptied one of the buckets over her head. She was careful to hold it at an angle, so it would not drop on her. The bucket clattered to the floor and the small, gray cat stood in Rita's place. She twitched her tail and then tipped over the remaining bucket. Rita, back in human form, sat in the puddle of water. "Now do you understand?" She told her conspirators all that befell her. "The former Yellow Ranger must have found the legendary training ground of Jusenkyo! No one comes away unaffected. If we find out her other form, we might be able to blackmail her into working for us." Goldar, as usual was confused. "But how? Who would we tell?" "You idiot! The other form is almost always embarrassing. As for telling anyone, all we have to do is drop cold water on her!" Rita grinned, showing even, white teeth. The Power Rangers regrouped at the Angel Grove Gym, Youth Center, and Juice Bar. It was summer, so the juice bar was open until eleven. On the way from the park, they were joined by Zack and Jason, who were also affected by the phenomenon. By some strange luck, the clothes they had been wearing still fit. (Adam had to wear Trini's kimono.) "So," Tommy took a deep breath,"why are you the only one not affected?" She pointed at Trini. Trini sighed and ran her fingers through her hair before answering. Billy rested her head on the opposite shoulder. "More importantly, why were Zack and Jason affected?" Billy picked up her head, scratching her chin. "Since we changed when we morphed, it must have something to do with the morphing grid." She addressed the three former Rangers. "Did you keep your communicators?" Jason spoke up first. "I hid my communicator in a drawer, but I kept my power coin as a retro-style necklace. See?" She pulled the coin from inside her now voluminous T-shirt. Since she was not wearing any clothes when the change took place, her clothes were now a wee bit too big. The coin spun slowly on its chain, the gold winking in the fluorescent light. Zack snorted. "I sold my communicator to some kid on the street, but I kept the morpher as a belt buckle." Trini shook her head in disgust. "I was so upset I crushed my communicator during practice, and I threw my power coin into the Pacific." Billy nodded. "Well, that explains that. The power coins keep us connected to the morphing grid whether we are active or not. The altered morphing energy flowed into all the coins at once. Doubtless, somewhere in the Pacific, there's a very surprised fish." Kimberly looked to Trini. "Huh? Can you translate?" Kim was glad he decided to wear pants today. "Zack and Jason were altered because they were wearing their power coins. I threw mine away, so I wasn't." Rocky, who looked very odd in human clothing, spoke for the first time since they left Angel Grove Park. "What or who could have caused this? Zed? Rita? Magnetic energy disturbance?" Billy sighed. "Any alteration of this magnitude would have to be sabotage." She yawned. "I suggest we tackle this in the morning. We'll talk with Zordon first." Adam raised an eyebrow. "That creates a whole new set of problems. Are we supposed to march up to our folks and say,`Congratulations, it's a girl?'" Ayesha, who had been staring at Tommy with newfound interest, perked up at this point. "She-he-Adam's right. How are we going to explain this?" Tommy chuckled. "`Guess what? I'm a Power Ranger and this is a side effect?' I don't think so." She snapped her fingers. "Wait a minute! We could stay at my grandfather's cabin. It'll be tight, though." Kim smiled. "We'll just have to double up." Billy and Trini snuggled in their shared blanket. "Why did you do it, Trini?" "You mean attack the park?" She shrugged. "I was mad. Mad at you guys for wanting us out of the Rangers. Mad at myself for falling into that spring. Dressing up as a monster was the best way I could think of to draw you out for my revenge." "You fell into one of the springs at Jusenkyo? Which one?" "I'd rather not talk about it." Trini caressed Billy's new body, lingering at strategic locations. "I could get used to this. But I bet you'll hate it in about twenty-eight days." Billy raised an eyebrow. "Twenty-eight days? Why- Ohhhh." She turned a dull shade of green. In the basement, Kimberly, Tommy, and Saba lay in an exhausted tangle of bodies. Tommy seemed satisfied although she had to forego her usual "treatment". Kim sighed, twisted a lock of Tommy's hair. "That was...different, to say the least. Although, do you think I'll ever have the chance to be in the middle?" Tommy gave a halfhearted chortle; she was still breathing heavily from the night's exertion. "Just be glad I'm not a screamer, unlike some people." Zack and Jason lay back to back, sharing a blanket in the living room, in the opposite corner from Trini and Billy. "So, Zack, did you at least get Gordon to go out with you?" Zack sighed. "No, he's still pining over Lori. At least he didn't scream and run away, this time." Ayesha, Adam, and Rocky were in the lone bedroom in the cabin. Rocky slept curled up in one of the drawers, while Ayesha and Adam shared the bed. Adam was having trouble sleeping. "What am I going to do? I have a date tomorrow night. I can't show up as girl! As far as I know, she's straight as an arrow. And if it rains I'll turn into a moose, a silly-looking moose." Ayesha, up to that point, had been drifting easily to sleep. He was barely understandable as he murmured, "We'll get this taken care of tomorrow. There's nothing to worry about. If we don't, tell her you died." "Uhm, yeah. G'night, Ayesha." "G'night." On the moon, Zed showed Rita the technical improvements he made to Serpentera. "Our biggest problem has been fuel; she's a gas guzzler. I added solar sails, so she only spends fuel inside the atmosphere. Given enough time, she can reach light speed without a drop of gas! HAH-HA-HAH-HAH-HAAH!" Rita tried to look interested as Zed rambled on. "And I gave her a brain. Not an AI, but an organic brain! I hooked Scorpina into the engine, so I don't have to depend on Goldar's questionable piloting." Rita sighed. "This, I take it will be important later on?" Zed shook his head. "I hope so. I hate to think I went through all that work and a stupid speech for nothing." The Rangers teleported to the Command Center just after breakfast the next morning. The alarm sirens immediately went off; Alpha trundled in sleepily from the adjoining room, teddy bear in the crook of one arm. "Who are you and how did you get in here?" Alpha confronted the eight strangers and Trini. Zordon had installed a new security system after that last break-in. "Trini? What's going on?" Trini waved an arm to encompass the gathered team, old members and new. "What's the matter, Alpha? Don't you recognize the Power Rangers?" Just at that moment, Zordon returned to reality from whatever he had been contemplating. Could it be Zordon was asleep, Billy wondered idly. "Alpha, who has breached our security here?" His eyes fell to Trini. "Former Yellow Ranger, why have you broken your oath of secrecy and brought these strangers here? We know nothing of their trustworthiness." Tommy stepped in front of the group. She was wearing a short dress made from a shirt that no longer fit properly. "You really don't know who we are, Zordon? It's us, the Power Rangers." Zordon's normally expressionless face managed to look startled. One or two of the Rangers thought they actually saw a blush creep into his cheeks. "Ahem, step closer, so I can see you better." The Rangers moved reluctantly forward; they were coming dangerously close to the edge of tolerance for Zordon's volume. Memory of the last time anyone had broken in to the Command Center flowed back to Zordon. The winged woman had tampered with the morphing grid. Could this be the result? However, try as he might, he could not recall the exact sequence of buttons she had pressed. Zordon studied the teenagers in front of him. "If you are the Rangers tell me something only they could know." The Rangers conferred among themselves, searching their collective memory for an incident which had not been covered by CNN or the local news. Finding none, they decided on something not even the news knew. Tommy, as usual, spoke for the group. "Two months ago, when you reformed the Rangers, you fired Trini, Zack and Jason. To replace them, you brought in Ayesha, Rocky, and Adam." Zordon's face was as impassive as ever, but inwardly, he was shaken. Only the Power Rangers would know about the change in ranks, but how had they figured out he fired the original Yellow, Black, and Red Rangers? They didn't have two brain cells to rub together, with the exception of Billy. Even he had a short circuit somewhere that made him a ditz outside a laboratory. "I am satisfied with your answer. I assume you want a solution to your present situation." This time it was Kimberly who spoke. He wore an old pair of pants from Tommy and his shirt from the day before. "Like, totally, Zordon. This is just creepy." "I will give you what help I can, Rangers. Observe the viewing globe." The globe replayed the scene from two months previous. A winged figure hunched over the control panel for the morphing grid, the buttons she pressed were hidden by her body. The Rangers watched with no little amusement as Zordon sprouted several embarrassing accoutrements. Since there was no sound, Zordon explained the little scene. "The young woman pressed several buttons in rapid succession, so it was impossible to tell what damage, if any, had been done. Unless I know exactly what she did, I cannot correct it." "Any idea where she is, Zordon?" Jason asked. "I can only view areas under my influence or Zed's. However, I suggest you start in the city where you found her, San Fransisco." The Rangers gathered in the Angel Grove Youth Center. They pored over a San Fransisco telephone book. Tommy leaned back in her chair, staring at the ceiling in disgust. "Arrgh, this isn't working! What makes you think we'll find that girl in the phone book, anyway?" Billy sighed. "We need to eliminate as many people as possible. We simply can't go to every house in San Fransisco looking for a winged woman. The first step is to eliminate those without Native American names and go from there." Adam raised an eyebrow. "Supposing she has an unlisted number? Or maybe she doesn't have a Native American name?" "Do you have a better way to do this?" "How about we ask them?" Rocky pointed to a small ad for Our Lady of Winged Justice Ministries ("Pray to her to right the wrongs against you"). Before Billy even had a chance to look appropriately embarrassed, Bulk and Skull sauntered into the Juice Bar. Spying the gathered Rangers, Bulk stopped short, holding out a hand to keep his partner from passing. He grabbed Skull by his shirt front. "Do you see, Bone Brain? Girls!" Skull craned his neck around to look in the Rangers' direction. He was barely able to see over his shirt collar. "I see 'em, Bulk. Don't they look awfully familiar?" "Naaahh. C'mon, Let's go see if we can pick a couple of them up. There's seven of them; they can't all be taken." The two swaggered as best they could, managing to bump each other slightly less than usual. Bulk cleared his throat before speaking for both of them. "Hey, babes. Whick of you will be the lucky ones to go out on a date," he dragged Skull by his shirt closer to the table, "with the both of us." Skull grinned stupidly. The formerly male Rangers felt their souls turn to ice. Tommy grabbed Kimberly's arm. "I'm with him." Adam followed suit with Ayesha. "And we're together." Billy laid her head on Trini's shoulder. "We're an item," Trini explained, gently caressing Billy's cheek. Jason grabbed Zack's hand and kissed it. She batted her eyelashes knowingly at the two interlopers. Bulk and Skull each turned a shade of red that was almost purple. As usual, Bulk found his voice first. "I-I hope... you are very - happy together." The two hung their heads as they walked to the juice counter. Skull spoke for the first time since they entered the bar. "Have you ever noticed what a high concentration of lesbians Angel Grove has?" The Power Rangers were silent for a long moment after Bulk and Skull left. Adam managed to find her voice first. "That was scary." She spoke for all of them. The Rangers teleported to the San Fransisco address listed in the ad, which Billy kept in her pants pocket. The building that housed Our Lady of Winged Justice ministries appeared to be a former church. The heavy oaken door swung in on noiseless hinges. Beyond the nave, cubicles took the place of pews, and the nave itself had been converted into a reception area. A blonde man with nordic features sat behind the desk. His suit was the same purple-gray as the girl's wings, his shirt black, and a pair of wings hung limply down his back. He looked up as the Rangers walked in and gave them a toothpaste ad smile. "Hello, and welcome to Our Lady of Winged Justice Ministries. Have you come seeking the Thunderbird's guidance?" His voice oozed like a car salesman's. Tommy paused before answering, "We need to speak with your lady." "The Thunderbird. She speaks to no one. Even her priests can only interpret her actions. Occasionally we get the idea she doesn't want worship. How humanly modest of her!" These people are nuts, Tommy thought. "Do you have any idea how we can find her?" The man thought for a moment. "We do have people who follow her regularly, and if you can convince them to tell you what they know, more power to you. You supervillains looking for a showdown? We get a lot of them." "Uhm, something like that, yeah. Who can we talk to?" She headed for the inner offices. The man grabbed Tommy's arm. "I'm sorry, but nonmembers aren't allowed in there unless they are escorted. Wait just a moment, and I'll call for an available representative. "By the way," he pointed at Rocky, "pets are allowed in only on a leash." Tommy blushed slightly. "You wouldn't happen to have one I could borrow, would you. "No, I don't, but," he rummaged through his desk, pulling out a pair of shoelaces,"you can use these. We just don't want any animals running around loose." Rocky scowled as Tommy tied the strings together and one end around his neck. She was just straightening up when a woman approached from the left hall. She wore a suit identical to that of the receptionist which complemented her copper complexion. She wore her black hair in a severe bun; she gave the overall impression of a cool, detached businesswoman. However, she smiled warmly at the group as she approached. "Greetings," she gestured toward the way she had entered,"please come with me." She led them up a flight of stairsinto a spacious office. A woman with an oriental cast to her features sat behind the desk. She entered figures into a computer on her right. "This," explained their guide,"is our tracking center. Ms. Chow can tell you where Thunderbird was last spotted." Ms. Chow let out an exasperated sigh, giving them their first sign she was aware of them. "Please, Ms. RedDeer, please remember to refer to her as Our Lady. Even if it's only in the building. "Now, then, why do you wish to find Our Lady?" Ms. Chow sat erect in her chair, fingers steepled. Kimberly jumped in with an answer. "We want to see her miracles for ourselves." "Mmmm. To tell the truth, this is highly irregular. And I don't have a clue where she is right now. I can tell you we last sighted her flying over the Golden Gate Bridge, heading toward the Pacific. That was two weeks ago, and we haven't been able to pick up her trail since." Ms. Chow signaled the interview was over by returning her attention to her computer. Ms. RedDeer led the Rangers back down the stairs to the nave. "You really don't seem like the type to join a cult. If you don't mind my asking, why did you join?" Billy inquired. Ms. RedDeer smiled with all the patience of one who has been asked the same question countless times. "I didn't really join. I'm working on my doctorate's thesis; I'm studying superhero cults in the San Fransisco area. All superheroes have one, even those insipid Power Rangers, and they all have at least one church in Frisco." As they walked a few steps beyond the church's doorway, the Rangers heard a splash, clang, and thump behind them. Trini, closest to the door, looked. All she saw was a mass of cartoon flames and a wet spot directly in front of the door. The Rangers walked through Candlestick Park, planning their next move. Meanwhile, back at stately Wayne Manor, home of millionare socialite Bruce Wayne.... No, wait, that's the wrong spoof. Meanwhile, back at the ranch.... Oh, no, wait. Sorry, reflex, again. One more time- Meanwhile back on the moon, Zed and Rita watched the activities with unbridled glee. Rita grabbed her husband's arm. "Now is the time to strike, Zeddy. Those Power Brats are too distracted with their problem too be able to fight back effectively." Zed clenched the fist attached to the arm Rita held. "Yes! We shall strike in person, with Serpentera. We will destroy those Power Rangers, once and for all!" He laughed maniacally, raising fists into the air. As he did so, one of Rita's nipple cones slashed a deep gouge in Zed's forearm. He held the flesh together, waiting for it to regenerate. "Rita, my dear, you should see about a new costume. You could poke someone's eye out with those things." The sky darkened; clouds rolled in from all directions, heralding the arrival of Serpentera. Instead of landing, however, she circled Candlestick Park, watching for the Power Rangers' Zords. In a fireball lit the premature dusk to noon brightness, Zed, Rita, and Goldar stood fifteen feet from the Rangers, who struck defensive poses. Sensing the moment was the most inopportune, the dark clouds let their fury loose on the combatants. Rita went through her normal speech about destroying the Rangers, but was cut off in the middle of it. No one noticed; everyone had heard the speech at least a dozen times. She soon drew attention to herself by chasing Rocky up a tree. Trini, now a nightingale, flew high into another tree, while Adam tried to ram Goldar. At the last second, Goldar stepped aside, and Adam ran full bore into yet another tree, knocking herself unconscious. Rita followed Rocky up the oak tree. To defend himself, he pelted her with acorns until she lost her footing. Rita decided to change tactics and chased after Trini, who flew to a closer tree to get a better look at the fight between Rocky and Rita. The strange turn of events brought on by the freak storm reduced the remaining combatants to staring and occassionally giggling. Jason recovered first; she raised her right arm into the sky almost in a Nazi salute and yelled," I call on the power of thunder!" To everyone's surprise, the Red Dragon Zord soon appeared on the horizon. "I guess we don't have to be morphed to use the Zords, after all," Billy commented. As the Zord snaked closer, Serpentera readied herself to strike. Just as the Red Dragon reached the Rangers, a giant foreclaw ripped it from the sky. The Zord thrashed in Serpentera's grasp as she transferred it to a backclaw. The combatants could only watch in fascination. "Serpentera seems to be shoving your Zord into a docking bay of some sort," Billy said. They all stared as the mighty dragon-ship started writhing high in the air. "I don't think we want to know what's going on." Zed thrust his staff into the ground. "I knew using Scorpina would be a mistake." A red aura surrounded him as he whirled to face Goldar. "Why did the rest of you flunkies have to be so stupid?" Using their opponents' temporary distraction to their advantage, the Power Rangers rushed Goldar and Zed. Somehow, the Rangers managed to produce two ropes out of nowhere and soon had the two villains bound. Tommy stood between the two and posed dramatically. "Now let's find out who they really are." With one deft motion, Tommy removed their masks. The Rangers and Rita took in a collective breath. Billy found her voice first. "It's old man Gates, head of Microsoft, and Mike Eisner, president of the Disney Corporation!" Eisner/Goldar sneered. "We would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you kids!!" Gates just smiled. "This merely delays our schedule. We are Microsoft and you will be assimilated." Back on the moon, Bobbie and Dinkie watched the scene with mild interest. Bobbie sighed. "Too bad we're too far away to give them a good I told you so. They were doing so well, too." An Aliens poster hung on the wall next to a gold record. The police carted Eisner and Gates off to jail, while the Rangers hid among the trees to protect their identities. In the confusion, Rita escaped to the street where she ran into a large, stupid dog. The dog, thinking she was another dog, picked her up in his teeth and ran down a maze of alleys. Great, she thought, I'll never find any hot water now. The Rangers reconvened on the battle site; Jason kept one eye on the sky as Serpentera continued to fly wildly through the air. Hugh T. Deville wandered onto the scene to unseen laughter. "Dad!" Kimberly exclaimed. "Well, hello there, Pumpkin. You look mighty brawny these days. Been working out, haven't you? "I suppose you readers out there have been wondering what happened to all the cameos that appeared in the first story. I know I have. The author says some blah-blah or other got in the way. A plot, I think it was called. And what about that Thunderbird character? Why wasn't that loose end tied into a nice, neat knot? Yackety-shmackety, the author says, she was Ms. RedDeer. Her first name couldn't be used because it happens to be the same as a main characters'. "Now, what about the Rangers' predicament? Are they going to be left like this? Yes, the author says. No reason not to, the author says. Well, I say, blah-blah-blah! Yackety-shmackety! Did you hear me? I said, `Yackety-shmackety!!'" He raised his fist angrily to the sky. "Normally, at the end of a story I would call for ending music and iris out, but this is a story, not a cartoon. So just imagine us walking into the sunset, drinking nice, tall cool glasses of O.J."